My justification now is: I’m taking it now how Mr. Shumway would have taken it. And that’s how it is intended to be taken.
So I’m doing it right. Right?
So I’m taking the SAT on Saturday. Thank goodness gracious tomorrow is a day off (10/10 is our country’s national day), or else I’d be stressing my brains out right before I take the test.
Those are the key words: stressing out. There’s really not much I can do now (I guess that’s why I’m writing this instead of rushing to another section), but I do wonder if I haven’t stressed out enough to motivate me to do sufficient practice for this SAT.
When I signed up for the October test, I thought perhaps I had been too nervous and naive on the first official one I took. I believed I had the capacity to do better. I thought I could study all throughout the summer months (at least one of them) and do better than ever. At least, I thought, I could be smarter in 12th grade, by that time having already taken both SAT II Subjects Literature and Math 2 in June (I didn’t do so bad on those either; their scores were higher than my CR and M sections on my first SAT!) Even if I didn’t ended up studying so much, maybe my matured 12th grade mindset will take the matter more easily and not let anxiety take over control. I remember aspiring to get a a 2350/2400. That’s definitely not happening now.
Of course, I didn’t rule out the idea that by 12th grade I’d be thinking “no big deal” and “oh well.” For better or for worse, that’s what my mindset is now. It’s going “whatever whatever whateva!” I’ve done some practice - enough to indicate that my scores aren’t getting any higher and might even be going lower - and I know that several people probably haven’t done nearly as much practice as I did. The thing is, my good friend J here probably did about seven practice tests in the past week. Hanging out with those people, you know, gets a little unnerving. So it makes me feel incompetent. Lackadaisical. Dilatory. Lax. And that prods me into the “whatever I give up I’m just gonna roll with it” thinking even while I’ve actually done way more practice than some others.
Unlike many of my peers, I’ve only taken the SAT once, so this will be my second. I’m done here. I’m going to eat well, rest well, and exercise well. I may do some more practice sections to calm my nerves when they act up. I will print my admissions ticket and prep my testing materials. When SAT comes around in less than 48 hours, I am going to enter the room and try my best, in hopes that maybe I can raise my CR and M scores. That would be nice for superscoring. I’ll try for it. But I won’t die for it. It’ll test me like it should. Mr. Shumway would approve.
Speaking of Mr. Shumway, I need to be clear of what I want to tell him for his rec letter before interview Tuesday rolls around.