Only words today. No decoration whatsoever.
Concise, like my college resume right now. Maybe too minimalistic.
Mother tells me over breakfast she thinks I’ve changed, especially in the past 2 years. I think so too. I’ve been trying. A constant effort. Several battles. Fight after fight, win some, lose some, but keep trying. I changed.
For who? For you? For myself? For all? All the reasons. Funny how I’ve gotten here. Never thought I would.
For some reason it seemed so easy for others. Talking, I mean. It wasn’t for me. Duct tape over the mouth. They used to joke about it like it was funny, but I thought it was natural. Then it became frustrating. Naturally frustrating. Frustratingly natural.
But I’ve been trying. Since concerned daycare teachers and others reassuring my mother. Since aunts jabbering, since mothers gossiping around me. Since all the awards received for obedient quietness. Did I have any ideas back then? I sure did. I wonder what I was up to, and what all those teachers could see. Since bawling during the fifth grade reading circle. Since being the silent worker. Since maybe shocking others with such rare performances.
Then, interestingly, there were those teachers. Ms. Barr, Ms. Wirht, Mr. C, Ms. Smith. Also later on Mr. H. Cross country in middle school. Carnegie. Achieving personal interests. But then, shifting attention to school clubs in tenth grade. Committee heading and energy drainage but exciting. Getting accustomed. Never entirely accustomed. Coming out of the shell and shocking more people. Maybe most don’t know me before then actually. It would make sense because I was silent before. Now leading. How did this come to be?
Constant effort. Battle after battle. Joining in on conversations. Never fearing awkward. Going out with company. People are interesting. Getting to know them. Getting to know self. Still trying